I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
