What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
You mailed him a break up letter, because you thought the "joy of receiving a letter" would ease the pain of you dumping him.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
