I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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