I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I've blown a few things in my day
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Randomize
