nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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