I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
