who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
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