hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Randomize
