i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
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