He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Interestingly im still mad at you for the time we got high and you tried to hump me.
Lol thats a classic
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
being pregnant is like rehab
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
FUCK WHALES
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
