eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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