his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Randomize
