My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
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