Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
