Welp...herpes.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
