awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Randomize
