My room smells like vodka and shame
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Randomize
