He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
He kept telling me that something was trying to enter this dimension from another universe through his spine...
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
I party with great urgency now.
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