Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
