that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
