I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
Randomize
