Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
That's why god made go-pro's and tequila
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
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