HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
