help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize
