I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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