I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
