My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
Randomize
