Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
