They should really pass out barf bags in church
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
