she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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