...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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