I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
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