did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
