the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
Randomize
