Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
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