I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
