He uses pillows to masturbate.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
