he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
