I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
These tits shall not be calmed
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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