Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
