I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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