i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
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