when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
