Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
