So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
