the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
