Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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