we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
