I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
