Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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